Our third was dreamed about for years but when he actually made his debut I questioned all of it.
Did we make a big mistake? Are we not capable of caring for 3? Are our two older children suffering? Every instance of poor behavior is derived from the need to seek attention. I can't do this. I can't be a mom to kids at all these different ages. They need too much. Their personalities need to much. This isn't fair to them.
Not every family is made for this...maybe we were wrong. Did I ruin my family?
No really- can we just put him back? Even for a little? 😆
I never spoke the words out loud but those first few months I thought it. I though it deep in my messed up postpartum soul -- I made a colossal mistake.
There's a dynamic with 3 that rocks your world. There are the obvious jokes of the transition of man to man vs zone defense that is physically exhausting but the one that isn't spoke of as much is.... emotional depletion. Realizing you cannot help or be there for them all. Someone is always left out. You cater to one end or the other and the middle man suffers. You play down and big kid is left out. You play up and little guy is left out. Your heart is forever torn at the seams and every night you lay down wondering how to do it better for the "left out" one or "more neglected" child or the one who got the brunt of your lack of patience that day.
However, no matter what number child you are on....Let the dust settle. You will mourn your past life because this is a transition. If this is your first, you will mourn restful sleep or nights out to dinner or hell doing anything alone...again....ever. If this is your second, you will mourn your life when it revolved around just one. It felt so hard then but now you yearn for it. If this is your third you will mourn your evenly matched team. Your divide and conquer badass I can do it all mentality that you felt you finally reached. If this is your fourth- jeez I don't know- someone else can tell me 😆 but the truth is...
With any transition comes a time in which you must move past the "old you" and embrace the "new you". It doesn't mean you made a mistake or that you're doing it all wrong. Change is not supposed to be easy. You're searching for the new you and you're not there yet.
We found our "team" began to work more as just that...a team. Not Will and I versus the kids but Will Mandi Liam Blake Rhett all of us together. While I still spend many late nights pondering and reflecting on how I can be 72 people at once more efficiently, the pressure is not as intense as it was those first few months. They began to rely on each other instead of only calling on me. They were forced to figure things out independently and as a result I see much better problem solvers. They began to really play together and help each other. Sure, some of these "things" they taught each other are not all good wholesome things that I'd like to brag about but.... nonetheless they started to lean on each other.
Our little "not a mistake troublemaker"- you've brought a hell of a lot to this family 💙 Thanks for hanging in there during the days when your mother wholeheartedly wanted to return you.
He brought about sensitivity to a boy that is starting to get older. Below is a reel I made last year to show this oldest to youngest relationship. Liam is approaching the age where it's not "cool" to show affection. He may miss my hug but he will never miss Rhett's.
He brought about a sense of nurturing leadership to a soul who doesn't have that naturally. Below is a reel I created to show this middle to youngest relationship. Separated by glass and in two different classes- the middle man sees his younger brother trying to communicate with him. Old (pre-Rhett) Blake would have ignored this "hello" but I see a different Blake because of his little brother.
While every transition has the potential to be horrifying, breathe in the fact that it's only that: a transition and you will adjust. You made no mistake. You can do this.
And...just as you begin to love on your current state, the next transition will be right up ahead. So hang on and --psst-- don't sell your children xoxo
xohboys
Well said. Life is nothing but transition! When u figure it out , it changes. We need to just go w the flow, with whatever ur magic number is! Love u!
Gosh, I felt this in my soul 🙌🏻. Amanda Lacko