"T H E M"

This is a shout out to all moms that have their strollers now bungee corded together because the buckles no longer work.

They first bought their sweet, kick-ass running stroller light-years ago and it's now been through war with an army of kids. When they open their trunk to take out said stroller, random pieces of trash will hit their face, a soccer ball will roll out and into the street, anddddd at least one kid will be out of their carseat trying to climb over to get out via the trunk because…

Hell, they've raised some creative, independent little buggers over these last 125 years of momm-ing.

I run. Not fast and not long and not even for physical health. I run for mental health. I run to feel I have done something for myself and it is a release to sweat. It relieves stress. To be clear, sweating while putting on snow pants or because a child has pooped on the library floor does not count as a good release type of sweat. However, running at a park with children strapped in a stroller is a quick release from the regular world and somedays it feels necessary. I wish for every mom to find their 20 min release. I digress.

I roll up in my super stereotypical white SUV and all the shit is falling out of the car. I am trying to strap two of them down and do a quick 20 min run... all the car doors are open at this point. I am packing snacks for days under the stroller, extra pair of undies for one kid, and 17 toys for another. I'm on the phone with the pediatrician's office trying to ask questions about some concerns I have for the oldest "in school'' child…

To say the least my brain is scattered. I'm yelling at the younger ones who are complaining about this 20 min run while I'm dividing up their Dunkin munchkins because let's be real, good moms bribe their kids. I'm now sweating- not the good kind yet- but they are strapped in, I put my phone away, and we’re ready to go. But then I see... T H E M.

Oh you know who it is...it's the slew of moms that only have babies or their first kid and they all have the cadillac of strollers that are squeaky clean. They all have to die for clothing on and their kid's cup holders have perfectly sliced bananas that are miraculously not brown yet and like fruit sticks or something super organic and healthy. They get out of a clean car with their kids still in the correct places. They are in a swarm and talking about first time mom things- how many straight hours their 4 month old slept, about the traumatizing first fever, and analyzing every pro and con of nursing. They're approaching quickly. I think they did their hair first to then put it up and there's no way in heckkkkkkk those stroller wheels have put in miles.

I notice ‘them’ a lot more now on my journey as what I’m going to coin a- “transitioning mom”. I see them at library classes speaking as if they're in a youtube video for mom of the year or ymca classes taking pics of their child's first this or that or the grocery store ACTUALLY walking (not running or sweating) with those damn 'customer in training' carts. If you haven't gathered my overall tone for 'them' yet it's ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED. Yep, I don't like them.

Before the swarm of first time moms attack me- please let me explain...

Do I actually not like them? Of course not. My mom put it quite bluntly to me as all moms should- "You're just jealous" she said. She spoke these awful words of wisdom once when I was pontificating in the privacy of my own home with just my mom and 27 glasses of wine about 'them'. I have thought long and hard about this realization and she's totally right. I lived that life already.

I am jealous.

To be clear- I don't wish to do it again. To my first time moms, I know that underneath that cool jacket is a shirt with vomit on it. I know that beneath those conversations of sleep and nursing there lies so many very natural insecurities because it’s all new and so very scary. It's the phase in which your world has been utterly turned inside out and while you are doing everything in your power to embrace each step you are still mourning some piece of old “you”. You haven’t let go yet. You haven’t embraced the absolute beauty of this wild ride yet. I remember it. The hormonal imbalance of when you can’t think straight. When crying because you feel blessed rolls right into crying because you feel so overwhelmed.

I would nicely place those cut banana pieces in a little perfect container too. I would wear my coolest shirt to a playground because maybe that’s where I would find my first real mom friend. I wanted to tell everyone my birth story because I still didn’t understand everyone has a story. That’s what you do in the beginning. You want to grab the f*ing donuts but you don’t because you’re scared- the books don’t mention donuts as part of the nutrition plan. That was me too.

I am not there anymore.

It makes me sad because the pieces I hold on to are the prettier ones. Isn’t that the case for all things in life as we move past them? When you get to snuggle. When you can actually run and you can actually talk to friends. When your woes are focused around sleeping and feeding that tiny, perfect human of a gift. When they nap and you don’t have other ones to take care of. When you actually sit down to eat dinner. Looking back- it feels so much more enjoyable than when you’re in it. So when I see T H E M there are feelings and I think that’s ok.

Their stroller isn't gorgeous and neither is their hair or their lives but compared to mine- it's different. My head is in a different space now. I miss the days of 1 or 2 little littles and us all being at the same spot in life. My brain is scattered now with kids at different stages and

There's just not enough of me to be everyone's everything anymore.

I know it's hard having babies, my friends and I know it's sooooo hard when it's your first. I also know that the most annoying thing ever is when someone tells you that it goes too fast and to enjoy it blahblah but here I am telling you that- it's special. You WILL miss it.

Just as I will miss my current transitional timeframe if all I do is roll my eyes on the previous stage. Let it go and be in YOUR moment. I realize that my teenage mom friends may look to me as their “them”. While it seems hilarious- I get it now. They don’t wish to be me again but to hear I stay awake at night thinking about a particular child feeling left out at school or another trying to improve his speech I know they’re thinking…well at least you don’t need to worry about college or the actual pressure of high school sports yet. She doesn’t get it yet. You are right, my teenage mom friends. Just as the stage after you is laughing and secretly hating on you ;) Don't forget it.

Your current woes are another's beloved memory.

As I spoke with my children’s great grandmother just this past weekend she told me how she wished she could get down on the floor and wrestle her great grandkids. As we watched them all wrestle that day I saw her face, full of love, recount how she used to play with my husband when he was little….how 30 years ago she thought she was getting old then but she would have been right there on the floor with them... How things are different now...How we don't always realize how good we have it.

It’s then I realized that these phases don’t end. We are all transitioning. We are all adjusting to our new stage of life. When we look back on the one prior it will ALWAYS feel rosier and not because it was but rather because it was one we got used to- it was a space we became confident in. We did it. We tackled it. Just when we begin to understand ourselves in that new space it’s time to make a transition. This is life and it’s kind of beautiful.

Be in YOUR moment because wherever it is...there will be one day less of it tomorrow.

Whomever "them" is to you- you don't hate them.

Smile.

Let them have their present moment, just as you have yours

xoxo