Pineapples and Potty Talk

*Originally written in June 2022*

When laughter erupts from the tub of three boys you fear a lot more than the expected flood on the floor. The 'pineapple tree' moment is when I officially realized I was a "boy mom".

I crept closely toward the door and I heard my five year old explaining that when he lays down and arches his back his belly looks like an island. With a little jiggle of his hips, he explains next... that his boy parts look "exactly like a pineapple tree on an island". The 7 year old is naturally enthralled with this analogy so he then lays down and begins creating his own island with a pineapple tree and giggling uncontrollably. The 2 year old- completely oblivious and left with nowhere to lie down- remains sitting and starts hitting the other two on the belly screaming "chee chee" (tree tree) whichhhhh makes the "trees" jiggle and here we are…back to the original correlation founded by my 5 year old. Mind you, they are now laughing so hard snot is actually coming from their noses.

There are a bunch of things a mom can do in this moment:

A) explain that pineapples do not even grow on trees

B) reprimand them for potty talk

C) ignore the behavior and internally remain pissed that your kids are "so boy"

D) realize this is your new life and join in

If you don't know me as a parent…it's always a mix of the hardcore truth and joining in. "A" was explained because let's be honest, let's at least raise intelligent boys but in order to truly survive in this boy world you've gotta do D. If you have multiple boys, they feed off each other. Potty talk will NOT stop. Teach them when it's not acceptable and the other times…I hate typing this but…it's a way they grossly bond.

They are giggling and laughing and loving their lives right now. They're not hurting each other. They're not touching each other inappropriately. I'm spying to ensure things don't take a turn for the worst but when I slink in and sit on the closed toilet seat in absolute silence- they explain the whole thing to me asking my thoughts on this weird visualization. They let me in. Do I really want to hear this garbage? Nope. Often, I find myself saying "ok, too far" or "nope, not here" or "zip it" but from the privacy of their bathroom, in their tub, with their brothers…I listen and giggle at their ridiculous- ness because I realize this is my new life and I love them.

After the shock of the fact that they don't grow on trees and after we look at multiple pictures of pineapples growing on BUSHES (not trees) my 5 year old says…"hmm well I still think it looks like a tree" and they go back to their giggling, jiggling, and screaming of "chee chee".

When they left the bathroom that night the pineapple tree comments stopped. They were not brought up at the next neighborhood gathering or at school or anywhere deemed inappropriate but I'll never forget that moment sitting on the pee covered lid of their bathroom toilet. I am a boy mom. I cannot change them. I can only teach what I find most important- humility, kindness, respect, hard work, and loyalty to their family but the fact that they are all boys … Oh Boy.

XO,

Mommy

Xs & Oh Boys

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