I Saw-Wee Mommy

Let’s talk about my two year old that rocks with scissors here real quick.

I was always brought up with the notion that bragging is just not acceptable. When you are truly confident in something it does not need to be spoken or flaunted so excuse me here family while I stray off the beaten path for this one…coughcough…drum roll please

My two year old is grossly AMAZING with scissors.

Those fine motor skills- he’s got them. To his future kindergarten teacher- NO worries- he will cut on every zig zag line you throw at him and it will look straight professional. Award winning. Now- please watch his classmates’ hairstyles. If they seem to alter quickly- this is probably not a fictitious thought. No one will be screaming because he’s sly as fox and all of a sudden little Mary will be missing half her pony. We WILL develop a stronger sense of right and wrong by the time he gets to you. (fingers and toes crossed in every possible way)

I know what you’re all thinking– what in the world was I doing that allowed my TODDLER to

1) grab scissors

2) locate a chunk of my hair without me feeling

3) do his 2 year old business and snip the thing off??

Let me tell you…

IT’S EXHAUSTING TRYING TO SHOW LOVE TO ALL YOUR KIDS

-especially during bedtime-

My middle guy- current drama central child- was crying because it was late and he was over stimulated from attention on his birthday. I’ve learned that this particular personality does not wish to talk it out but you must- I mean you MUST- spend countless minutes just holding him or being present in order to make the tears subside. You must be there but not speak. Yes. This is quite the struggle for someone like me🤚who cannot shut up. I digress.

I FINALLY finished putting the “cosmetologist in training”, Rhett, to bed. He struggles to stay in his room and I often have to sit on the outside of his door to insure he does not escape. I read him his 27 train books and sang 32 songs all about him, scratched his back, turned on his sound machine- the routine goes on and on-you know the drill with this age group. I finished all that. Phew. 1 down- 2 to go.

I stopped in the oldest one’s room, Liam. I reminded him to brush his teeth and told him I'd be back in a few minutes to tuck him in and discuss all the things in his wildly huge complex 8 year old brain. I headed to deal with the middle man, Blake, who was *still* crying on the hallway floor. Dang, I have some persistent little men.

Let me back up- Let's talk about this guy.

He's the BEST partner in crime there is. He is helpful. He is self-less and caring and just a wonderful dad. When he travels for work- life is just harder. When he travels for a longer stint of time I really need my A game and I sadly resent this awesome man - mean, right? Is this his fault? Absolutely not but the truth is…I felt like I was on day 72 and I was 100% working with my Z game at this point. The only thing holding me together was the fact that bedtime was almost over and a glass of wine was waiting for me downstairs with at least a few forgotten cheetos that were sprayed over the countertop.

I bend down and just hug Mr. Drama. I hold him as tightly as possible and tell him everything is ok, that it was a great day and I love him and then… try to remind myself to stop talking🙃I am fully engulfed in Blake when I hear Rhett's door make that paint crack noise. He opens it and slinks around us trying to get my attention. I ignore him.

My back is to him but I hear the pitter patter of his feet sneak into and out of Liam's room. I continue to ignore him because I am trying to give Middle man what he needs. Rhett is now dancing behind me as I repeat in my head “one child at a time”. I feel the cosmetologist ever so gently pick up my hair. I figured he was just playing with it. It felt semi ok- ya know not like the normal pain they instill on me so I went with it and let it happen…

“One child at a time”

I was unaware that when he snuck in big bro’s room, he stole scissors. Big brother was reading and completely unaware of the burglary that occurred in his room. As he continued to fumble with pieces of my hair it felt as if he was playing with it. I continued to breathe and tell myself “I can get him back to bed after I finish the middle guy. Then I can go spend time with the oldest. Everyone will get what they need- just breathe. One child at a time”... until…

*SNIP*

And- that’s how I got this sweet ass haircut that looks like THIS after two months.

I love my children with every ounce of my soul but in that moment….every.single.one of them was going to live in the shed.

When you have multiple people needing you and ALL of you- it’s really hard. Sure we talk about it being difficult to take care of ourselves- go to the bathroom alone, eat healthy foods, workout, relax blahblahblah BUT some days it’s tough to even keep your freaking hair on your head.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Looking back, I know this is dramatic but in that moment-I was so done. It was a long week. I had that feeling that I didn’t do any of it right.

I was exhausted trying to give everything I could to everyone else.

But somehow I wasn’t "enough" for even one of them that night. Then to top it off I ended the night yelling because wait…someone cut my freaking hair?!

There was no shower that night. There was no cleaning up that night. It was a “two extra glasses of wine and defeated sleep” kind of night. I woke up hungover, still exhausted, and the house a mess.

Some days will not be yours to win. You may have the best partner. You may have the best mom and dad and mom in law and dad in law and family and friends all around you but...

You will still fall apart and that's normal.

You will feel like you failed everyone, including yourself but you get up the next day- even with a shitty ass haircut. You just figure it out because... you’re "mom" and that’s just what we do. We're kind of badass like that.

Wanna know what that little angel had to say when I freaked out?

"Oh... I saw-wee mommy. I jus' tryin' some-pin"

Love ya Rhett but Mommy won't forget this one

-xohboys