As I pulled myself out of the pool I noticed my arms were actually fatigued from our big 30 min parent and me swim class. My hair was dripping wet with no hair tie in sight. When I caught a quick glimpse in the reflection of the glass windows I saw the horror film of mascara dripping down my cheeks.
We took our class with a DAD today.
Normally we go to Rhett's little class with a sea of mommys or grand mommys and their little ones. Okokok- if you attend a parent and me class on a weekend- things are different. There are often even two parents for those first born children. However in order to get in to those weekend slots you must sign up for them while your child is in utero so good luck but weekday mornings- our society has not changed (don’t get me started) it’s still a tsunami of mommys.
Everyone singing in their calm sweet voices doing little bounces and gentle bubbles where their nose remains above water. Rhett is the large, loud one, and a complete disaster and I’m normally screaming something to Blake outside of the pool who is trying to patiently spectate without getting himself in trouble. This week he brought a harmonica😳No other details are needed to describe the other spectators’ faces. Despite our daily chaotic selves, I still *normally* leave with only slightly damp hair and a sore voice from telling Rhett to simmer down and fall in line with the "normal kids".
Today- a little boy had his dad with him and it completely changed the dynamic. The singing was louder (my deep voice fit in better) and the bouncing was more of a throw in the air. I noticed myself trying to bounce/throw higher. The bubbles were more like real bubbles, not just the little pretend attempt to get down in the water and when we said ‘kick’ it was anything but gentle. The kids aren’t allowed on the slide but this dad let his son so I followed suit because Rhett had been asking for weeks. It was FUN. I let loose. I was me.
I later found out that this dad is a stay at home dad. He is actually a mechanical engineer but he quit temporarily and is staying home with his son because that’s just what works best for their family right now. He explained how he doesn't seem to know what to do with his son during the weekdays. They don't seem to "fit" anywhere and how he was hopeful to see and meet more dads on his brief stay at home journey.
This sent me down the reflection train on so much. As I depart the parent and me class train station I’d like to share my robust reflection…
Who you are and who you allow yourself to be in front of others impacts your children.
You may feel like the dad at a “mom and me class” that's supposed to be a parent and me class but it's a Tuesday and our world is still confused. Your situation may be different but for whatever reason who you are just doesn't seem to fit the mold or fit the norm…
remember that the mold does not matter to our children. Be who you are because that’s what they need to see.
To anyone feeling they don’t quite fit-know that in my 9 years of taking parent and me classes, I've never felt I "fit" ....ever.
In the beginning, with my first, I was searching for friends- we signed up for a TON of parent and me classes where I essentially engaged in speed dating with other moms. Forget the class for my child. This was for me. Meet them for a little- quick chat- was it enough to ask for their number? Am I doing this whole mom thing right? Should we hang out? Oh my gosh- do I have a friend that has a child the same.exact.age?!
With child 2- he just cried and didn't engage in any classes and the older, way too hyper one, would have to spectate so… things didn’t go well. We did a handful of attempts but I primarily hid because I was nervous about that child's delays and comparisons to other children and frankly, you just can’t do “parent and me” when it's a “we” thing. So- no friend searching anymore. This was more of an internal soul searching time to find peace with my independent self that was essentially being swallowed by my tiny children.
With child 3- he didn't get any parent and me classes for obvious reasons because life is entirely too insane to actually do normal little kid things with him but then…at 2.5 I got a little anxious, felt a little guilty, and decided that we’re going to make this work. However, I was too late. He was too old or too far along because his only “friends” are his older brothers. We were surrounded by these beautiful parents with their first child. Their children were sweet and innocent and tiny and did I say sweet yet? All the parents were speed dating-as I once did. My brain isn’t there anymore. I don’t want a new friend anymore. I don’t want to listen to your troubles. I’m seriously, for the first time, here for ONLY my child. And now I feel I was too late. Once again- not fitting.
Look around your classes- no one really fits, we all feel awkward and out of place. We’re all weirdly trying to teach our kids to be independent, confident, empathetic leaders yet we all struggle to do and feel those things ourselves.
Be as “you” as you can be…in all situations. Stand tall knowing that minor decisions in our behavior can be an integral part in our children’s lives. Blow the bubbles like you freaking mean it. Deep breaths and find your confident, badass side if your child is developmentally a little off whatever the wise ones deem is ‘normal’. Be ALL IN because there will be a day that you are no longer in that class with them. You will have to spectate and you’ll be a smidge sad about it.
You never know- There may even be others around you that benefit from you…just being you. Thank you to the dad who admitted he didn’t fit but just did his own damn thing. I wish I ran into you 9 years ago.
xohboys-mom
Well said! And I think you FIT right into this Krazy Kane Klan! ❤️
Awesome!